How to deal with the authors of boorish and insulting comments on the Internet and social networks? How not to give up after reading angry comments from haters, but to keep moving forward?
If you have accounts (and you do) on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and forums, have your own sites where comments fly in, then this post on Affiliate Marketing will be very useful to you.
Meet the new post on my blog with reviews of Affiliate Programs and CPA Networks on how to successfully ignore the haters and get out with a win. All the while maintaining your mental health and good mood.
WHO ARE THE HATERS?
First, let’s understand who the haters are. The word is English. Hate means to hate. Hence, haters are people who hate someone and show that hatred. If we talk about comments on the Internet and social networks, then haters are the authors of unpleasant, angry and insulting comments.
You happily post on Facebook, “Look, we made a great social ad to support homeless animals. Immediately you get a nasty comment: “The commercial was filmed very unprofessionally. The sound was too quiet, I had to turn it up to hear it. The camera on the close-up is shaking all the time. I wish I could cut off the operator’s hands.
And then another one: “You are running wild. Pensioners are starving, and you feel pity for the dogs”. And a third, absolutely vicious comment: “Assholes. They’ve been shredding the budgets amongst themselves again.
And there he is, the hatred is there. But let’s see who’s a fan and who is not. Because not all negative, unpleasant or even offensive comments are a manifestation of a heater.
The key difference between a hater and the rest of the flora and fauna of the Internet is motive.
The aim of the hater is to offend and insult you. To cause you irreparable moral suffering, in legal terms. He does not like you. He can’t stand you. You are repulsive, disgusting, allergic and idiosyncratic to him. He wants you to suffer. Then he feels good. And if you suddenly feel good, he suffers.
Let’s look closely at these comments. And we’ll see that even though they are all written in a rather disrespectful or downright insulting way, not all of them can be considered heterosexual.
The third comment was definitely written by a heater. Insult. Unwarranted accusation. And no constructive message. No attempt to help correct any mistakes. Only a desire to humiliate in public. The hatred is obvious.
The second comment I would also classify as a hater. The same desire to offend and accuse of something questionable and unobvious. And the commenter’s intentions are far from wanting to do good and advise something of value.
And the first comment, on the other hand, is not really a heist in my opinion. It is criticism, but criticism is rather constructive. An attempt to suggest something, to draw attention to specific flaws.
Yes, those hints are also phrased in a rather hurtful way. Yes, the label “unprofessional” is hung. These are the hallmarks of a heterosexual text. But at the same time, there are specific flaws here that can be corrected if you wish.
Of course, when you posted about the new video, you weren’t expecting to have your mistakes ironed out, but rather that everyone would be happy for you. But this is the internet, and things are always a bit different from how we want them to be.
The man took it in his own way. You showed your work, he pointed out its shortcomings. A smart and literate would have written in private and not embarrassed you in front of everyone. But, alas, this one was not. Not only did he describe your problems publicly, he also did it in an emotional and abrupt manner.
WHAT TO DO WITH THE HATERS?
What can you do! Not all of our readers and commentators are communication savvy. Not everyone is aware of the fact that in public space, criticism is often perceived as a form of harassment.
The important thing for us is to learn to distinguish between hatery and criticism. If you actively do something and show it to an audience, you will always have critics. People like to give their opinions about what others are doing, they like to show their expertise publicly. And pointing out mistakes publicly is the best way to show others that you have a good understanding of an issue and you’re a professional.
Can such a commenter do anything worthwhile on their own? Not necessarily. But he can criticize, and sometimes such criticism is really useful.
Criticism can be offensive and can hurt. Criticism is not all of us are ready to take it well. Especially if it is formulated in a harsh form. Especially if we have not asked to be criticized. Our self-esteem is hurt, and we, too, begin to pour out emotions, snap, and sometimes also insult the author of the criticism. And this is one of the most common mistakes.
We must learn to distinguish constructive criticism from hacking. Constructive criticism always has a “helpful” motive. People want to tell you what will make you, your product or your company better in the future. Sometimes that benefit is wrapped up in a bad-smelling substance.
You have to be able to discern it there, turn off your emotions, abstract it, and extract the useful grain. You have to thank the critic and draw the right conclusions.
The goal of the hater is always to attack you personally, to jab, to hurt, and to spew their venom on you. To provoke your backlash and enjoy your resentment and anger.
There is another Internet character with a similar line of behavior: the troll. He, too, takes pleasure in pissing you off, teasing you, and hurting you.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TROLL AND A HATER
A troll is usually anonymous, hiding behind a fictitious nickname, hiding behind an abstract avatar, and not revealing his identity. A troll can attack anyone, target anyone. And this anonymity, of course, greatly unties his hands. A real person would never say much of what a troll writes to their face.
A hater does not hide. The heater writes under his own name, his avatar is a real photo. Heiter usually attacks people who are popular and famous. He also wants to take a bite out of their popularity. The calculation is also based on the fact that a popular person has a lot of supporters, and they will rush to defend their idol, thus making the hater even more noticeable.
Don’t think that this only applies to pop stars, actors, and writers. The more visible you are in your industry or field, the more success you have, the more people don’t sleep well at night.
It could be people who know you personally.
Maybe you beat them at something. Outperformed them. Took the place that they were claiming. Or would like to claim, but they do not have the ability or diligence. But you did.
Maybe you’ve done something to hurt one of them. And you probably did not even notice it, or do not remember. And they remember and carry this offense through the years, to take revenge at the opportunity. Publicly humiliate and poison your life.
And there may be those with whom you have never seen. But they are not happy with the status quo. Too often they stumble across posts and articles about your successes. They see you growing in your career, doing interesting projects, writing books, making movies, releasing a new line of clothing, or creating cool events that are popular. And they don’t create anything.
Or you create something that’s not a success. And they feel bad about that. They think they should be in your shoes. And they get back at you for not being where you are.
WHAT ARE THE DANGERS OF HATERS?
Many people, especially those who are not very experienced in public communication, are very sensitive to the fact that some nasty things are written about them. Their names are bent in the comments, disrespectful comments about the fruit of their work or creativity, and just plain insulting.
It’s frustrating and takes away energy. And instead of thinking about a new project, or writing a script for an interesting new video about dogs, or a Nobel speech, you begin to chase in your head these nasty phrases and hurtful words. You worry. You drink valerian or something stronger. And you don’t move forward.
But it gets worse. You don’t just waste time. You turn back and decide not to continue on your path. Because all of us, especially creative people, have another personal hater: our inner critic.
The inner voice that tells us all the time: what are you trying to do, you’re worse than everyone else, they’ll soon realize that you don’t understand anything and will throw rotten tomatoes at you, everyone around you is so smart, and you want to compete with them.
It’s called imposter syndrome. When it seems to us that we are not good enough, the fruit of our labors is not perfect enough, we do not take our place by right, because there are people who are more competent.
And the whole life of creative people is sometimes a struggle with this inner critic and overcoming impostor syndrome. We are experienced, qualified, competent, but people have a tendency to doubt themselves. Not all, but a great many.
HOW NOT TO GO ALONG WITH THE HATERS
When we confronted by haters on the Internet and read about ourselves that we are nothing and are not capable of anything, our inner critic rejoices and shouts at us, “What did I say? I was right!!! You’re nothing and you’re not capable of anything!”
And it takes a very good self-esteem and strong nerves not to succumb to such a mood and not to give up. Because otherwise it will be that the hater has achieved his goal. He didn’t just insult you. He is stopping you from continuing to grow and on your way to new success. He is blocking your way to the top. Is that the kind of gift you want to give him? I don’t think so.
So it is important to develop an immunity to such attacks. Forbid yourself to even think that the hater can be in some way right, and you are something worse than others. And just gag your inner critic.
It’s not easy, but if you practice regularly, it will begin to work. Say to yourself: he’s not about me, he’s about himself. He’s the one with the problems, his girlfriends don’t love him and he doesn’t have any money. And I’m fine, and it does not concern me.
The main thing to understand is that everyone has his haters. Absolutely all celebrities and not very celebrities. Envy is such a thing…
And if we’re talking about a YouTube channel, it doesn’t matter if the comments are positive or not. The more comments, the more weight the video has and the more people will watch it.
And you also have to understand that not 100 percent of people think so badly of you. It’s just that those who like you, as a rule, are in no hurry to share their enthusiasm publicly. And you can always see and hear the haters.
They’re loud and boisterous. And you start to feel like “the whole world is going to war on me.” But it’s not. In reality, there aren’t as many people who are very unhappy with you as there seem to be after reading a string of nasty comments.
So let’s put aside our doubts, stop gnawing at ourselves and just go for it!
HOW TO BEHAVE WITH THE HATERS
There are really not many options. You need to ignore the hater. Just ignore the nasty comments, hurtful words. Do not engage in polemics. Do not show emotion. Do not open up.
This is the calmest and most correct option. Because as soon as you start making excuses and writing something back, they will find new clues in your words to pick on and prick you. They will activate and start happily ripping you to shreds. Don’t give them that opportunity.
Personally, I don’t see any problem with banning haters and deleting their comments. If a client has addressed the comment with a problem that quite possibly does occur and it is your fault – deleting and banning is not an option. The problem has to be solved. And if the comment is a lie, insults and attacks, then there’s no reason to waste time and effort on it. Ban.
No need to be rude back to them and snap back. That, too, is a sign of weakness. Don’t get personal. The hater doesn’t care, but other readers won’t appreciate it. Do not get on the same page as him. It doesn’t make you look good.
You can, of course, as some do, try to include humor and respond with jokes and irony, but I’m convinced that’s a dead end. The hater has no goal of befriending you, no goal of establishing some kind of truth. He has one goal: to bury you deeper.
So no pity, no attempt to reach out for something human. Ignore. Deletion. Ban.